Depression???

'A condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawl' this is what the dictionary defines it as. well, going by this definition I am not depressed afterall. what then is to be pondered about is the term to be coined to my current disposition. One thing for sure is that I am not happy, I feel life is no longer a mirthful experience, there is a sense of utter desolation that I feel in life. Is it because I no longer find happiness in things I do?? is it because I feel I underperform or is it becuase I have set such high standards for myself that I am not able to live up to them????

whatever the reasons might be, the end is same...there is something missing, something that I need to add into life to make it more happening. To be frank its all about dejection. Dejection that I am not standing upto what I want to be and do.

Discipline

I just wish I didnt know this word, I wish this word never had a place in the dictionary, the very word makes u feel far from life, counterproductive and dysfunctional. If not for this word, I would have been happy with myelf, content with what I am doing and the way I am doing it.

Ambitious

This is the word (world) I'd love to live in, the world that I want to be the king of. The world that I feel have a birthright to rule. Without this trait in me, I'd rather prefer to be lifeless.

Success

Here's the whole problem, A conglomeration of both the above mentioned traits with a little of luck added is the reciepe of success. something that I am expected to possess. after a lot of dissection and dissolution, I come to the conclusion that I need to be more disciplined and a little less ambitious. The whole problem starts with the fact that I aim high, work low and feel sad about the gap between the former and the latter.

Time management is the most easiest to talk about and the most diffcult (next to impossible) thing to implement. I often find my self midway of a task only to realize that I have spent too much time on what I shouldnt have, and then only to feel miserably guilty for doing so.

Self motivation is the mantra, something has been tried and tested with me. time and again, I could successfully confront challenges in life because I was motivated by my own soul, and so the time has come for my soul to do the same, time has come for my mind to push itself to the edge to deliver, perform and conquer.

I am sure and I realize that none of what is written above is conclusive and makes sense...hope to write something sensible next time.